* I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

* I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

*You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

*Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.

*I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received..

*Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for

the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message

*The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. { The beauty of it is that when I return, I can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over. }

*Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.

*You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

*Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.

*I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

*Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

*Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

*I've run away to join a different circus.